more of my
frickin sick jokes...
this one was sent
to me by mishka,
I woke early one
morning.
The earth lay
cool and still,
When suddenly a
tiny bird,
Perched on my
window sill.
He sang a song so
lovely
So carefree and
so gay,
That slowly all
my troubles,
Began to slip
away
He sang of far
off places,
Of laughter and
of fun,
It seemed his
very trilling,
brought up the
morning sun.
I stirred beneath
the covers,
Crept slowly out
of bed,
Then gently shut
the window
And crushed his
f*cking head.
(I'm not a
morning person)
this is one sassy
sent me,
The Perfect
Husband
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round,
showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W -Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful
leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,000."
H - "A thousand? Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I
saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman,
and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought
last year..."
H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $60,000..."
H - "OK, but for $60,000 I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
H - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and..I stopped
by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's
for sale!
Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $650,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the
bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid down to $620,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in
astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
